In 2019, I led my family to leave our church of 14 years – a church in which I had served as the worship leader for 13 years. I wrote about the experience and the rending experience. Concerning our relationship with our blood relatives and church family, I wrote:
They say that blood is thicker than water, meaning that the bonds of blood relatives (family) is stronger than the bonds of friendship or love. If that is true I would assert that the spirit is thicker than blood. When we are born again Christians we share a bond with other Christians via the Spirit of God that indwells us all. This means that we share more deep true truths in common with our church family than possibly with our blood family.
This past Lord’s Day, we had several church families over to share a meal. I was conversing with a dear brother who expressed this very sentiment. He said the things we have in common with our church family are things he is more interested in talking about, so he’d rather be around church family than extended family.
Amen!
Here’s the thing. If you have extended family that are either non-believers or nominally Christian, they will not understand this concept. It will be offensive to them.
Why don’t they understand this? They have not experienced firsthand the rich love that exists between Christians.
“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” — John 13:35
One might object to this entire premise because we love our blood relatives. And they would be correct. However, this love, if not built upon the foundation of Christ, can never be as deep.
Why?
Non-Believing Family
If you have non-believing extended family members, you have a mission field. These people do not understand the most fundamental truth of the universe and existence — “In the beginning, God…”
If you believe that we are nothing more than stardust and chemical reactions, the result of time and chance, with no purpose, that’s a big deal. We will not share a common ground of morality and ethics. This difference is not a minor intellectual curiosity. It is huge.
These family members need to hear the Gospel from you, “for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes (Romans 1:16).” They need to hear the actual words of the Gospel.
They also need to see you living out your beliefs. Your life must bear visible fruit, so they may question why you live with such great hope (1 Peter 3:15).
“Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” — 1 Peter 2:12
Nominal Christian Family
Nominal Christians are those who proclaim the name of Christ, but their lives show minimal to zero fruit. You might call these Chreaster Christians (Christmas and Easter). They may even attend church regularly, but they are simply allergic to allowing the Scriptures to shape their lives.
These family members represent a different sort of mission field. We need to call these to consistency, to believe in the Words of Christ, whom they say they worship and believe.
You say you’re a Christian, yet you support the LGBTQ+ (alphabet soup) (so-called) community. Please explain to me how you arrived at this position based on Scripture.
You say you’re a Christian, yet you believe women may be pastors or preach. Please explain to me how you interpret 1 Timothy 2:11-12.
You say you’re a Christian, yet you attack me when I call sin for what it is (adultery, drunkenness, bearing false witness, lust) and call you to repent. “Judge not!” you say.
Please explain to me this Scripture:
“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” — 2 Timothy 3:16-17
And this Scripture:
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” — John 14:15
For this family category, we must lovingly, patiently, but truthfully call them back to Christ, whom they claim to serve. We do this not to be annoying or hateful but because we love them!
In Christ, “are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (Colossians 2:3).” In Christ, there is true liberty (Galatians 5:1).
We must persistently point them to Christ for their good.
“But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” — 1 Corinthians 3:1-3
Paul is addressing the Corinthian church, rebuking them for their spiritual immaturity. Despite having been believers for some time, they still behaved in a worldly manner, were unable to handle the deeper truths of the faith (“solid food”), and still needed basic teachings (“milk”).
“For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” — Hebrews 5:12-14
The writer of Hebrews admonishes the readers for their lack of spiritual growth. Despite their long time as believers, they have not progressed in their understanding and practice of the faith. Paul compares them to infants who still need milk rather than mature adults who can handle solid food.
Who Are My Family?
Jesus taught this truth: the family of God is more a family than blood relatives.
While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” — Matthew 12:46-50
(See also: Mark 3:31-35 and Luke 8:19-21)
John Calvin writes concerning this passage:
Although these words seem to imply that Christ has no regard to the ties of blood, yet we know that in reality he paid the strictest attention to human order, and discharged his lawful duties towards relatives; but points out that, in comparison of spiritual relationship, no regard, or very little, is due to the relationship of the flesh. Let us therefore attend to this comparison, so as to perform all that nature can justly claim, and, at the same time, not to be too strongly attached to flesh and blood. Again, as Christ bestows on the disciples of his Gospel the inestimable honour of being reckoned as his brethren, we must be held guilty of the basest ingratitude, if we do not disregard all the desires of the flesh, and direct every effort towards this object.1 — John Calvin
Christ does not completely eliminate the natural “human order” (i.e., blood ties). We should love and care for them as our own family, especially in the manner outlined above. However, Calvin emphasizes that we must not “be too strongly attached to flesh and blood.” Our spiritual relationship with Christ and His Body (the Church) will continue to build and grow into all eternity.
These are your forever family.
Act accordingly.
- John Calvin and William Pringle, Commentary on a Harmony of the Evangelists Matthew, Mark, and Luke, vol. 2 [Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2010], 91–92. [↩]